Reflections on 2010 WPBA Regional Tour Championships: How to Not Suffocate Yourself

I have been home for a couple of days now from the 2010 WPBA Regional Tour Championships, settled back into my routine, and have had the opportunity to synthesize my experience at the event and it is not pretty. I need to get the darkness out or I won't be able to get back to sleep tonight.

It's amazing how when I started planning for the event I was so pumped about getting the invitation. I took my first lesson in 2008, started shooting drills, and have continued to improve my fundamentals ever since. With that improvement has come increased expectations... and that is where the story has taken a turn.

When I saw my Group for the first time, I thought "Okay, I am fighting for the fourth spot." There were three players in my mind that had already advanced, and it was the other ladies that I would need to contend with to get through to Stage 2. This was my first mistake. It never should have mattered who was in my group, I never should have even made those role assignments, but I did and it would be my downfall in the long run.

My first match was against Tina Larsen, she had finished T5-6 at the 2009 RTC, and had played on the WPBA multiple times over the last decade. I knew I would need to play my best, and I was confident throughout the match. I ended up winning 6-2. I couldn't believe it, honestly, but it was a great start and I looked forward to my next match.

My next match was against Lara Rassignol, a player I had no expectations against. I didn't know who she was, but I was comfortable with my previous performace so didn't feel anxious about the match. Up 2-0, and shooting with great confidence, I made the 9 and scratched, and then scratched on the 9 in two consecutive games. I went on TILT, and was unable to recover. I ended up losing 6-2.

Veronique Menard was my next opponent, and extremely intimidated was the only was to describe my feelings. She was the 2009 WPBA Rookie of the Year, had an invite to the Amway Cup, and just seemed to be very comfortable with herself. I knew that I would need to play well to even have a shot at winnning some games. I was on shaky ground in my own mind, but fought through every rack, and ended up losing 6-5. This was something I could build on, or so I thought.

Lisa Marr was my fourth match of the event, and all I can say about it was "Brutal..." Lisa was shooting extremely well and made very few mistakes. I was unable to capitalize on the opportunities that I had and ended up losing 6-0 in heartbreaking fashion. With that score, I knew that my opportunities for advancing to Stage 2 were slimming exponentially. I had to turn things around or all my efforts would be for naught.

Ashea Erdahl was my last opponent of the evening, and she had not won a match yet, so I knew if I wanted a shot at Stage 2, I would absolutely have to win. I battled the darkness back, tried to stay relaxed (if that is possible with so much pressure put on yourself), and ended up winning 6-5. I felt okay about the win, but knew that I would be hard pressed with my scores to advance. I went home for the night, and tried not to think about the tournament or my play, or what I needed to do to get through to the next round... It didn't last very long.

I didn't sleep well that night, and dreamt about the performance required to carry me through. I had two matches to go and would need to win 12-6 to hit the 50% mark in my match win %. (Sometimes, I wish I had no background in statistics, and that I had no intuition for math.) It was a long night...

Julie Stephensen was my first match on Saturday morning, and I knew that she could play, but had never played her before. I knew what I needed to do and that is where the unraveling began. Down for the entire match, I found myself talking to myself, berating my performance, and questioning my skill before the score was even 4-2 my opponent. I couldn't concentrate on what I was doing and I was so worried about missing that I couldn't make a 2 ball out with ball in hand. I was destroyed mentally and was on the verge of an emotional break down. Not just because I was losing, but because I know better. In all of my preparation, I knew that positive self talk was the key to my success and here I was, cutting myself down so harshly that I couldn't make a straight in shot. The final score was 6-2, and with that went any aspiration of advancing. I had completely suffocated myself out of the opportunity, and I was devastated.

It was so disappointing to fight so hard for a year to not represent my tour or myself in a positive way. I really felt embarrassed and ashamed of myself. Fortunately, I would have some reprieve.

My last match was against Emily Duddy. I knew I had no chance of advancing, she knew she was already in, so really what did I have to lose? I tried to forget about all of the mistakes I had made and just play each ball as if it were the only shot that I needed to make. I was up 5-2 before I knew what happened. A little bit of luck and a lot better focus had gotten me to a better place mentally, and I started to feel good. Emily tyed up the match 5-5 before I would end up going for a 5-9 carom that slopped in the wrong pocket. Overall, I felt a little bit better about myself, and I was able to carry my head a little bit higher. Although I had gone through a myriad of emotions, highs and lows in my performance ability, I came out of it all with a renewed perspective and an eagerness to support those who would be advancing. My opportunity had passed and I was unable to perform when I needed to, I would need to get over it if I wanted to enjoy myself for the rest of the event, which I did... I got to watch some amazing matches, visit with some old and new friends, and come to terms with myself as a player and a person.

My Lesson Learned: I can't hold on too tight without suffocating myself. Figuring out a way to stay relaxed and focused throughout the event is essential to my success at this and any level. Once I can do that, everything will come together in the long run. After all, there is always next year =)